After picture on Friday, ate a massive amount of food yesterday surprised by the scale

I'm light 
I've lost over 40 pounds and maintained a good amount of my strength. I feel like I have learned so much in the past 6 months and I see the direction I am headed. More natural in all areas. More sun, more ground less supplements and less screens. I have been on this process but using the past 6 months to truly understand the fat loss game I am now getting ready to start to transition into the next 6 month program on January 1. I need to use the month of December to re acclimate to more fat intake.  To get me deuterium results and do some traveling. I have been holding onto supplements that I would tell others to give up so that will be a change. 
This is my last fasting day before my 6 month after picture and it is on par in difficulty with the first one six months ago. In the middle I was in a groove and had fat to tap into. I'm so lean now that I think the hunger is legitimate. I'm a dry sponge. It'sd a grey day and I'm hungry for light. 
​Gonna finish strong. 

down 43.6
​six month pic on the 30th 

So much is happening and it feels right. I have done the work and now my good karma is catching up with me. It is fun to have this weight loss journey be a physical representation of the change that is going on inside of me. hard lessons have been learned. I am seeing the potential. I am getting comfortable with good things. 

I see how everything that has happened up to this point has been very necessary for me to be the person I am. I also know that these windows of opportunity don't come along very often and now is the time for me to act. 

I am moving forward knowing that I am both ok right now and at the same time in process of becoming more. All the struggles I have faced have been teachers. The next 2-3 months will bring change and I have to be ready for it. 

As I get older I am realizing that there are certain personality traits in me that are defining characteristics that I can't, and don't want to change. it is better at this point to just own it. 

I have always had very high standards for authenticity and honesty. I am far from perfect. But I am very confused  by other peoples dishonesty. It has been this way since I was a child. I remember my family fighting on the way to church and then having to act like everything was ok. I hated being fake. I wasn't an easy child to live with as I was always pointing out the inconsistencies in my house. 
As an adult I have had the same issues. I have worked with people who steal. I have seen everyone from high dollar business people down to people who are absolutely poor say and do things that are not just despicable but in my mind unnecessary. 
I worked for a not for profit when I moved to California for foster kids that was scamming grants for money. I worked selling a vegan product that I found out later had dairy in it. I watched my best friend take my business ideas and get very successful. I was cheated on in the biggest relationship I've had and didn't see it until much later. I have watched companies build huge businesses off completely fake products and on and on. 
All these things confused me, they still do. I am far too trusting and at this age I think I have finally figured out that instead of being confused i need to realize that this is the way things are. Comparative justification allows people to do any number of things. 
I have decided for me I would sacrifice any amount of success or money for something real. I think everything in this life has a plus and a minus and being aware of that is what allows you to choose what you prefer. 
Shine a light on dark things. 
Little me working in a small grocery store can immediately get attention for pointing out unarguable things it is a good reminder that we all matter. 
Think critically always and don't assume that people are honest, These lessons help me to move forward on my path which is a very different one than so many. Quantity vs quality. I choose quality always. 

A special note to those who hide, who intimidate and who use other people to do their dirty work. The punishment is built into the crime. The fear of someone with no following to speak of exposing you is the punishment for selling such ridiculousness. 

Bell Curve of Brains 

The 80% take the 10% behind and the 10% ahead and lump them together in one title and one spectrum as they are both outside the norm 

This is a categorical error that favored the 80% with a flawed democratic perspective 
Society is slowly moving forward toward the leading 10%
3 sections 
All are spectrum within 1 larger spectrum 
______________________________
10% behind 
Neuro - disabled (ND)
Brain injured 
Extremely limited cognition 
-------------------
80% 
Neuro - Typical (NT)

Low level hedonists - sacrifice for pleasure
Food-sex-Intoxicants  
Difficulty thinking outside the box 
Experiential minded 
Social- emotional 
Followers 
Low innovation capability 
Destructive 
Child like - fits and lack of self control
Primary human curve based on procreation levels 
Exist as a result of the innovations of the nuero advanced
Live for children and intimate partner 
Group oriented 
Control by symbiotic bacteria 
All forms of bacterial exchange are appealing 
----------------
10% ahead 
Neuro- Advanced (NA)

-Rejection of physical pleasure for 
-Intellectual gain 
-Nervous system sensitive 
-Rational - logical 
-Purpose found in optimizing systems 
-Confused by meaningless irrational human behavior 
-Sacrifice for creation - innovation 
-Willing to sacrifice social benefits for innovation 
-See the human species and the popular construct as flawed 
-Potential for higher consciousness and cognition 
-To be synergistic combined with
-See patterns and structures
-Independent/ self sufficient 
-No need for children or intimate partner- Both take away time and resources from innovation  
--------------
Foundations Of NA toward optimal use of strengths 

-Resist the temptation to numb nervous system and acclimate to 80% by reducing intelligence  self 
-Renounce the "democratic" idea that the majority is right simply because it is greater in number 
-Reason does not require popular opinion to be true 
-Do not harm or destroy NT's 
-If one must be dealt with let it destroy itself or let them destroy each other 
-Learn how to learn optimally 
Learn how to use neurological enhancement to further neurological enhancement 
- use brain to improve brain 
Create 
Establish greater agenda 
Have no need to be destructive but no hesitation to allow cause and effect to teach the 80% that hedonistic behaviors are destructive  
Use justice as opposed to ethics 
Neutral time above dualistic good and evil 
Figure out creative universal equation 
Learn neuro typical psychology to better take advantage of them 
Learn business and financial system 
Find ways to circumvent the general health issues that the 80% give themselves 
Physics / Chemistry / quantum physics (Father / Son  / Holy Spirit) 

Religions, cults, sports and other social structures are created by NA's to profit and manipulate the 80%
Male ND's are are even more bound to carnality than females 
Females often connect  purpose to children - evolutionary programming 
Evolutionary perspective 
Transition through human emotion to - Neutral consciousness 
__________________________________________
NA's often fail in practical life because they are using optimal logic and reason in a social system that values social/emotionalism over logic and reason 
- the challenge is how to knowingly do this sub optimally in order to get them to be accepted in the NT system 
______________________________________________
Even though the NT will continue to procreate at a much faster rate than the NA the NA will continue to innovate at a rate that establishes direction and prevents the NT's from self destruction. 

I used to live in down town slo and i loved it, parts of it. I loved running into people I knew all the time. I loved the character  and the little spots. Slo is changing, lots of construction, a shift away from small business. That's all ok change happens. The people I knew are gone or it's been so long since I've seen them that they wouldn't know me. I am a change person. I am devoted to learning and improving. the punishment for this is that people dont know when you've changed so they talk to the old person. You have to decide to either act like the old person or not. It's not really that sol is that different as much as I am. I am so disinterested in the things that drew me to slo after dark. It all seems a bit ridiculous now. 
Last night I went to see Gregory Allan Isikov , a show that I saw a few years ago. It was a full house, the opening band was amazing. I saw some people I knew. He was great and all I could think is ....is this over yet so I can get out of here. I wanted to go home, I wanted to rest after a long week where my brain is now running double time and I don't have the sleep margin to spare. I left early and was glad I did. 
I'm not the same. I keep learning, changing, growing and the old falls away. 

​

Back from my Berkeley weekend. I drove up to see Intrpol. I have been extremely motivated working on the Alexander protocol, my health program that I am on and trying to make available for others. I used the drive to really think about organization. About how big to go and then breaking the thing into pieces that can be completed independent of each other and then organized together. The whole idea of structure then occurred to me that this the way everything is built. I love music and started to think about how music is constructed. It made for a interesting thought space. 
The show was amazing. I'm so glad I went. I friend had told me Berkeley is beautiful in the fall. She was right. It's been a while since I've been and I woke up in Sunday morning to walk. A stack of lions mane articles in hand. The trees are fantastic there. Every time I visit a place I ask myself if I would like to live there. Berkeley would be a very cool place to be but at the same time I was so glad to come home to the central coast. 
I do plan on going back sooner than later. If you haven't been you should go. Make sure you've got a the Sunday morning to walk it. 

One of the only nostalgic things I own is a ticket book that I have put every ticket from every show for the past 18 years. The first ticket that is in this book is a year 2000 DropKick Murphys ticket. Last night I saw the DropKicks. I must admit 18 years later made me realize how much I've changed. How I thought I knew so much back then. I always knew that at the time if I really quit drinking and smoking that it would be over. I'm ok with it being over now but I'm glad I got to see both sides. The dropkicks were a particularly good group to drink at as it's Irish punk. Lots of put your pint in the air type stuff. Last night they did a song and a shout out for everyone staying sober and over coming addiction. Strange but it was a pretty great tip of the hat to someone like me who shows up and doesn't drink.  
I ran into a friend who was drunk and it showed me what I used to look like. Of corse the show wasn't the same as it was back then but neither are the mornings. I feel good. Feeling like I have made it through. I changed my mind. Is it better to burn out or fade way, I switched to fade away. 

Good stuff at the farmers market today. There are so many things that are so fun to stop and look at. I think market places have always been that way. Something about being out doors and seeing the people selling things they grew. It makes me super grateful. I'm not one to grow things myself. I spoke to someone this morning who lives in Scotland and is visiting, she mentioned that they don't have fruit there. So funny the things I take for granted. Living in California really does offer some very fun options. I remember trying to tell my mother back in Rochester what avocados are like. natures butter, fatty plants. 

So I go my figs and fresh pomegranate juice. Some sprouts for a friend. I think about my grandfather who used to sell stuff at markets and my dad did for a while. I never saw them and as a kid who grew up in the city I was very detached from the idea of plants coming out of the ground. If I take time to think about them I get amazed with the complexity. As I start to improve my health by relying more on the sun and the earth and less on my stomach I think of humans as mobil trees. Trees are always grounded and always reaching up to collect light. Humans can detach from the sun and the earth and rely on our stomaches while we are detached but we are supposed to plug back in to the ground and the sun. if we do we don't have to rely on food so much to get our electrons, the little things that carry light. The reason we eat. Light is information and we are light containers. If you are low on light you will have low charge, low energy. 

I wish I could go to the market with my grandfather. I didn't appreciate the complexity of his simple life.