Christmas Day Thoughts

It's Christmas and I've got some time to reflect. I know it's not new years yet but i'm in that head space. I feel safe writing all this as my site is small and of the few who make it the focus is on the health blog as it should be. 

I live a pretty lonely life but in the best of ways. I've had the family, the kids the dogs the wife the tree the rest. 
Is it better to be loved or to be free? well the answer like all answers it both/neither. In other cultures they would say the question is broken. 
I often ask people is the tree the roots or the branches. 
It's just dualism. Last night on Christmas eve I drove to the beach listening to Conor Oberest and in the dark I stood in the rain and it was magic. 
I came home and spent time with my fantastic life partner The Kat (who is a cat) and we listened to wise old Alan Watts teach us about the meaning of life. It all felt like home. You see because I had a very different life when I was younger I now just enjoy the contrast of it all. I see people with thier stress and worry about gifts and things and I smile. i don't have those worries and I also won't get any gifts. 
This has been a wonderful year. I have learned and changed so much. I think that I have really tried to learn that there is nothing on the other side of this mountain but another mountain so I better enjoy the climb. No hurry just build. I had started learning about nature and health some time ago but I am seeing just how long it takes for new information to grow into knowledge. The seed first then the root then the plant with leaves soaking up sun and shedding new ideas. I am learning how to learn. 
I managed to do my 6 month before and after with pics. I learned a lot. I managed to build the calculator (mostly by myself) Learned a lot. 
I built this site and started these blogs. They are for me, first as I am so happy to have a foundation to go back and see my thought process and store all this like an external hard drive of health. 
I launched AlexanderCalculator.com today. I built it because I wanted to be able to use it and it taught me the value of creating and how important that is to self esteem. 
I know know much more what i want out of life and it just keeps getting simpler and simpler. Alan watts, Conor Oberst and all the other things I fill my head with are very really my friends and teachers. If I shut my eyes I can imaging sitting in the hall with all the others laughing when Alan Watts says some brilliant horrible thing is a light hearted way. 
I dream of a life filled with nature that is simple and then I realize I have it. Contrast is king but I spent so long caring that if feels nice to just live. Know what time it is has been my new mantra and its winter, time to hibernate. Time to reflect. Time to stop typing on a computer and go out into the wonderful sunshine. 
Merry Christmas