Perpetual Preparation10/28/2018  Perpetual Preparation I have met a lot of these people. I was one of these people. They always have a great plan of attack. When they see you they are telling you about the newest diet but they are still over weight. They may be at the bar telling someone about the AA meeting they are going to start going to. Or my favorite, the person with a cigarette in their hand telling someone about how they know how to quit because they've done it before and how they are going to do it again next Tuesday. People that carry around too many plans don't have space left to carry any actual change. Plans are fine just know that people who are addicted to things are often addicted to planning. * Wisdom is applied knowledge. I realize that in my own journey knowing a lot of information was important but only half the story the other half is applying that knowledge to accomplish my goals. This site has been a great way for me to externalize my ideas into a program for myself that has now become a program others can follow. Now is the best time to start changing or at least stop being the same.
0 Comments
Stop Digging And Start Filling10/21/2018  I always want to point out things I have said in the past or things that I hear all the time that make no sense at all but people say it anyway and other people agree. This is one of those things. "It'll be easier to change later."
Is it easier to climb out of a 1 foot hole or a 2 foot hole or a 15 foot hole. 1 foot simple enough. Is it easier to run 1 miles 2 miles or 15 miles? 1 mile simple enough. Is it easier to quit my addiction after 1 year 2 years or 15 years. 1 the answer is always less is easier. So get out of your addiction now and it will be easier. The longer you wait the harder it will be always. But some people just prefer to plan to change. *I recently had a friend tell me he has been doing pills for the past year...sad for several reasons. This was his addictions when we met. It's what I think of as a foundation part of our relationship. When I have been tempted to drink I think of him and how I don't want to disappoint him. We have our own addictions. I've never had an issue with pills, I don't take any. He doesn't have a problem with drinking but our addictive minds are the same. He is married, he has a kid. But this paragraph above rings true. He is that much deeper in the addiction hole now. I am so glad I started ten years ago. Now I've practiced not drinking so long its easy. Start today. He hasn't been happy for a while and I wondered why. Its shame and hiding and addiction. Its the cycle of all that that makes you want to use and then using making all that. I'm glad he told me but I hope this is a new start. I'm reminded of how when you dig a hole all the dirt that comes out because its a mess doesn't fit back in the same hole. This is what addiction is like so stop digging and start filling. Hoarders10/13/2018  Hoarders have a compulsion to collect positions, they pile up stuff. The stuff may not be sanitary or useful in any way they just have to keep everything. In other words hoards are addicted to stuff. Since this is an addiction I believe all of the concepts that I'm trying to unravel apply. Some people reading this may be thinking oh good I defiantly don't have a hoarding problem. But all addicts, and we are all addicts, have a compulsion to pile up stuff in our lives. The stuff may not be physical but it is still a bunch of useless things that we hold onto. People will hold on to useless beliefs that just get in the way of progress. We hold on to people that have no use to use. We hold on to our huge list of needs, that are really wants. We watch TV shows about hoarders and say those people are so nasty and then we use their physical mess to help us over look our own emotional, relational, mental or spiritual mess. What do you tell a hoarder when you want them to change. "Just get rid of all that junk, it's not worth anything." But have you ever heard that in your own life. has anyone ever said "just don't" has a skinny person ever said just don't eat? Has a sober person ever said just don't use? Has a happy person ever said just don't be sad? I have heard these things in my past and every time I found myself thinking this idiot just doesn't know that I need this stuff. I personally never struggled with hoarding physical stuff. But I think people who do are just making their environment look like their inside. When I was depressed I wanted my environment and those around me to be depressed. Two ideas here. First, you know an addict because you are an addict and second. Try to convince yourself to get rid of the useless stuff in your life physical and emotional, spiritual, relational, and mental. What are you clinging to? Chances are you thought it just then but said to yourself no I don't have to get rid of that I need it. You don't.
*This is good reminder. As I have lost weight I see it as a representation of the unused things that pile up in life and weigh us down. I have gotten rid of the clutter in my life, my thinking. I had no idea that I had so much weight to lose. It is hard to not notice it on others. We all have things to get rid of. Intermittent fasting has taught me to just not consume. Institutionalization10/9/2018 I'm going to tell you a story. The journey out of slavery starts in a cold jail cell with Joe, Tom and Anthony. In the jail their cells are lined up one next to the other. Joe was put in jail at such a young age that it's all he knows. He has never been outside the cell. Tom remembers the outside world as a harsh and hostel place. It was lonely and fending for himself was hard. Sometimes he gets sick of jail but at least here he has three meals a day, a roof over his head and he is never alone. Anthony was put in jail as punishment for something he had done wrong a long time ago. He still feels so guilty about what he did that he figures he is right where he belongs. Then a person named Nick comes along and visits the jail. He is happy and has a strange smile like he knows a secret. Nick says "Joe, Tom and Anthony there is a wonderful place called freedom where there are no bars and you can come and go as you please. It is the most wonderful place. That's where I'm from." Each one replied in their own way. Joe excitedly said "I've never been out of this cell that sounds great." Tom replied," I have heard of that place but never really believed it existed. The world I remember was nothing like that." Anthony quickly started to laugh, "There is no place like Nick is a liar and a fool and even if there was a place like that we are locked in these cells. How cruel you are to come here" "The land of freedom is real and I can take you there." said Nick. "How?" Joe asked. "Reach in your pocket you'll find the key to your cell." replied Nick. "This guy is crazy! There is nothing but dessert out there." yelled Anthony as he turned away and refused to listen anymore. Joe and Tom reached in their pockets and sure enough they each found a key to their cell. Filled with joy they both unlocked their cells and ran out of the jail but before they left Joe yelled back to Anthony "Come on the key is in your pocket!" but Anthony just turned away. As soon as they got out side Nick started to lead the way through a hot desert. They walked on a wide road with tons of people. Nick kept talking about how great the land of freedom is. Joe and Tom were so glad to be out of their cells. As the days passed and they kept moving Tom asks, "How much further is it? I'm starving and the sun is too hot. You never said it was this far away and if there is a land of freedom what are all these people doing here." Nick replied, "These people could come too if they wanted to but we just have to keep moving." More time went by and Tom finally yells, "Forget this! Anthony was right even the jail was better than this dessert." Then Tom turned back and started walking toward the jail. "It's just a little bit further just down this narrow road." said Nick. Joe tired out didn't say anything but he kept walking. Then all of a sudden the dessert faded away and there was the land of freedom in all its beauty. A wonderful place but only a few people. "That cell seems so far away. I can't believe I'm here." said Joe. "I'm glad you trusted me." said Nick as they both sat down to relax. Addiction is imprisonment. Whatever reason a person is in a cell time goes by and as it does a person in jail becomes institutionalized. This means people get used to the cell and are comforted by it because they know what to expect from it. In this story everyone did what they wanted, when they wanted to. The only question was did they want freedom or not. Are you Joe, Tom, Anthony or one of the people in the desert?
This a simple story and yes it's the exodus or the Christ archetype but it also shows how we get institutionalized. Since this was written 8 years ago I have learned a lot about the brain. All brains are wired to choose function over truth. Or easy over difficult. It is a good way to not waste resources but if the easy is destructive then resources will be wasted. This where we have to choose the short term or the long term and the answer to that question is it depends. If the long term has a greater return than the cost of short term pain then good. If not then bad. This sounds simple but so many of our decisions are subconscious where we hand the decision over to our bodies and give up our conscious mind. This can be detrimental. Pick your battles wisely. Rainy Day Addiction Thoughts10/3/2018  Addictive behavior starts as symptom treating. I'll say it again because this is the thing that everyone involved in a struggle where it be with food, porn, drugs or any number of other addictions needs to realize. Addictive behavior starts as symptom treating also called self medicating. It doesn't stay that way. as the addiction gets stronger the initial cause seams to fade away and many times that is just what the person wants.
Let's say your father was verbally abusive to you as a child and because of this you feel bad. You may start an addictive behavior that makes you feel good. So we have cause (father problem) symptom (feel bad) and a choice. Do I treat the cause and deal with the problem with father or do I go for the quick fix and treat the symptom. Addictive behavior treats the symptom while you are doing the addictive behavior. The problem is that when you're not doing the addictive behavior the cause (father problem) is still there along with new problems that come with the addiction. Go to the cause and the symptoms will be unnecessary. The substance is used as a coping mechanism for your past abuse, trauma or unmet expectations. Got to the cause to remove the addiction. * It's a rainy morning here in California and that doesn't happen very often. The rain is so refreshing. As I read the section above I think about addiction, how far I have come but also that addiction is tied to some type of dis function or destructiveness. Someone could make a good case for me know being addicted to health but that isn't destructive so It's no problem. Anything can become destructive but it also very much depends on what the person themselves what. I am not interested in what society thinks is healthy as culture is very rarely concerned with operating from a place of reason & intelligence verses social and emotional values. Quantity verses quality. The more amazing you become the less you will connect with those that are not acting in an amazing way. Can't have both. Do what you want, be who you want. NoteI was an Alcoholic
This blog contains many of the ideas that helped me to get sober and stay sober. Everything in Italics is me now, commenting on the writing from 10 years ago. Everything not in Italics is the 8 year old writing. In some ways I am the same but in others very different that is what make it interesting. AuthorRob Alexander 
Archives
August 2019
Categories |
RSS Feed