Addicts and Enablers

Some people resist change. One way that people remain trapped is to find an enabler.
This is a well intentioned person that doesn't share the same struggle. They don't know about the deception, manipulation that people will use to avoid change. The enabler provides the stability required to continue in struggle. This is most clear in the world of addiction. I come from this world and tend to view anything you can't give up as some form of addiction. So many people are trapped in addiction to one thing or another that I feel the need to explain what I know of it.
            Being an addict is expensive and time consuming. The addict has to stay stuck in lots of real problems so they have excuses to use but also so they can make excuses to the enabler. The enabler probably really wants the addict to change. They feel an obligation to the person and at times even help an addict so that they can appear comparably strong and stable not having to look at their own character issues.
            The addict wants to be cared about and also wants to continue to use. The addict likes the idea of change and that is why they can make convincing change statements. The problem for the addict is I really want all the good things that come from being sober now if I could just get that and still use. The addict will use charm and affection or anything at their disposal to make the enabler believe that this time they are for real. The addict lies to the enabler about changing but in turn and enabler will lie to the addict saying this is the last time I will help you out or continue to support you while you use. Yet they continue to come back and allow the addict to take from them. The enabler tells themselves that this is for the sake of the addict but it is another selfish act because the enabler doesn't want to believe that they are being played and that the addict never meant any of those wonderful things they said.

* Knowing what I know now after all this time it is very clear to me that so many relationships are imbalanced in this way even if there is no specific addiction involved. It is so rare to have someone that you value and respect enlighten I avoid this type of a dynamic on either side. if you find this appreciate it. So many people put themselves in a role of control or one of being controlled either one avoids responsibility in a different way.