During the day the earth's magnetosphere is in competition with the sun's magnetosphere but at night the side of the earth not facing the sun does not have this competition. This correlates with increased magnetic interactions at night during the repair mechanisms in the body, linking magnetism to circadian biology.
This would make sense why the Magnetico's enhancements are engaged at night and not during the day truly establishing the Magnetico as a natural expression of unidirectional magnetism that is in balance both with the type of magnetism but also the time/light cycle.
The earth when turned away from the sun would interact with the light (blue light) reflected from the moon but also the slight magnetic influence from its metallic core that is far weaker than the sun's but is far closer. This may account for the interaction between the moon and waves in the ocean, etc. Overlapping magnetic fields have the potential to increase charge expression.
It would make sense that our brains (which are mitochondria-dense with high light and charge expression) would have the opportunity to light up more in an increased magnetic environment that would also be influenced by the moon, allowing for altered states of consciousness.
Essentially we get outer light from the sun during the day and inner light from electron expression within our cells in an altered magnetic field at night.
I'm saying that the cycles are happening on the outside and the inside of our systems from matching fractals that are set to an exchange clock where we drink water from the outside during the day and make intercellular water at night in the same way we get light from the sun during the day and light for the electrons the we "create" at night in the same way we create water. In a sense we are in the physical world during the day and the "spiritual" or conceptual world at night and the ability to navigate the concept realm is directly tied to the magnetic field that we are in.
This would explain the details of astral projection, lucid dreaming, etc.
Understanding this may allow us to engage these mechanisms in the waking state much like water creation.
This would also explain the imbalanced focus on the material world and the day or an excess focus on the sun or day state. If you leave your body every night you become less attached to it and therefore less afraid of leaving it...death.
Of course the removal of darkness at night distorts or body's ability to engage night protocols. When the magnetosphere was stronger these night protocols would be far more engaged making virtually all our needs around tech useless.
This is just me free styling. I have never read this or heard it elsewhere but as I unpack it, it seems that there may be ways to re-engage these mechanisms in our current environment or at least see our potential better.
Now lets get a little weird......
See any similarities here?
Lets see what we can explain
...It isn't your fault but you have to handle this tough time well.
Health in the modern world is very difficult to navigate as the forces that operate our environment beyond our 5 senses are changing very quickly. What is commonly called nature is the complex and ever-changing expression of life that has been birthed from the interactions between mother Earth and father Sun.
The earth has a magnetosphere. This is the field that charge (light) can express itself in. The sun is the spark of life. In the same way that the feminine aspects of our society historically have not been given the equal credit they deserve, magnetism is also neglected. It is not visible the way that the bright shining sun is. Very few people know much about mother magnetism at all. Magnetism in combination with light is responsible for all life on the planet. What does a planet with no mother look like? Mars. It has light from the sun but no magnetosphere.
All things have a masculine and feminine aspect but the story of life on this planet is one of our two parents. Earth is the child of the father (the sun); which gives life but also has a deadly temper when the mother (magnetism) is not present to balance him out.
I could go a thousand different directions with this as the interactions between masculine and feminine are universals. In fact, the same process of life expressing itself in a magnetic feild that contains light is the same story of the electron and all the electro magnetic aspects of your body and every cell in you body is powered by electrons that have been converted to denser (more stable) forms.
For a more scientific explanation about magnetism and how to increase magnetism check out The Magnetico Blog.
If this blog makes sense you will see why I promote the Magnetico so much. You can get all the sun in the world but without the a strong unidirectional magnetic field to express itself in, the lights potential is limited.
Magnetism goes on a cycle that lasts thousands and thousands of years and that cycle is in decline naturally. In fact, we are at the end of it. Magnetism is expected to zero out in a few hundred years but if you know what magnetism does then its decline will lead to more and more separation from nature and more tech. The decline is not a result of anything we have done. But when magnetism was at its peak life on this planet was at its highest point and humans where completely interconnected with nature. Our parents were both there balancing each other out. As magnetism has declined we as humans have felt abandoned and are rebelling. We are saying to our parents "fine I can do it with out you", much like a child in a home were the parents are separating. I theorize that this is why we have rejected nature and are trying to create all the things that nature was intended to provide out of tech.
What most would call natural progress I see as unnecessary when life is super abundant on the planet. If scarcity is gone then so is the motivation to create. Solutions and innovations are born out of problems. This is why all our tech deals in electro-magnetics; EMF (electro magnetic fields) that are not in sync with nature. We are the child listening to punk rock and getting drunk when our parents seem to not support us the way we need them to. (At least that's the teen I was).
Hopefully you are starting to see what has happened and what got us to this point and where we are heading. In time we will develop a new connection with our Father (sun) and our Mother (magnetism) but for now we rebel. Everything is fractal so if you go back to the past blogs and see the electric as this father and the magnetic as the mother you will start to see the harmony that you restore within your self brings restoration to your environment and in turn the planet as overlapping unidirectional fields have the ability to express more light and in turn more life. The more you get in nature, the more you will see how to become more healthy inside yourself. Now you can re-frame the conversation of health away from all the marketing and business and start to tune in. Then we can stop rebelling against our parents and instead learn from them. We have to become nature to those that are in our environment.
This story hits very close to home for me as my story is the same as this story of nature. Now go find the people in your life that increase your field so that you can express your light and renounce the addiction to the tech that is only needed when we are out of sync with nature.
If this makes sense to you then you see that we must learn from our parents both what to do and what not to. We must become balanced electro magnetic frequency devices ourselves, instead of building external electromagnetic devices. Please reach out to me as I now see very clearly that my abilities are directly connected to who is in my immediate field. The story of health and life is a very different one than what is being told but it is also one that hits very close to home. Find the people that increase your electromagnetic field and get as close to them as you physically can. Our tech can not replace in-person interactions. When you field overlaps with others that raises your charge and a unique, diverse expression of life and ideas will come from it. We have relied on our parents too long and now is the time to stop living off them top down and start living like them from inside out. When we do this our silly tech will fall off in the same way any other addiction does when health and balance is restored.
We use the word love so much. What is it? The perfect harmonic frequency expression between two overlapping electro magnetic fields that causes both to be uniquely expressed as both separate but intertwined resulting in an entirely new song that sounds like what can only be described as ....home.
Hearts are the electromagnetic pulse devices that...
haha ok I'll save tha for another blog.
Ethics - Never settled.
Nature is a self regulating system. Everything in nature is thinning the heard so to speak. Everything on every level. In the body cancer is a separate group that can't be killed off by the body.
We are all biased toward our own survival, meaning no one that is a supporter of any type of eugenics thinks they too should be killed off. (with the execption of suicide bombers who are a good example of apoptosis)
Abortion is far more of a eugenics issue than people want to admit.
When I was a middle schooler in sex ed the pro abortion people came in. Kids were trying to figure out the ethics of life ending. I raised my hand and said "so a good reason for abortion would be someone who has basically no chance of being a normal person, like if there is no father and the mother is institutionalized for mental illness and the state would have to take the baby right away to be passed around in the system." They agreed yes, that is exactly the type of scenario that would justify abortion. I ten smiled and said....you just aborted me. They didn't have too much to say about that. I still don't fall into any camps.
Anti abortion is pro war and antigun is pro abortion. Which is exactly the negative I would construct if I was in power and was aware of if I were into eugenics.
Others in history have clearly defaulted to genetics for eugenics. Understanding epi-genetics and genetic expression being determined by the environment makes that far less concrete. In the same way the white supremacists are having a hard time with genetic testing showing that they also are not "pure" as they would like to say. Most of these ideas are cultural as opposed to genetic anyway. People are trying to hold onto their norm.
I see a trend with super villains often being both intelligent and disconnected socially. The more intelligent the less the ethics are emotional and the more logically consistent they are. Where people in society seem to be ok with death as long as it is part of the societal norm.
The top people within the systems of our society make decisions about who lives and dies. The plus is that who dies is never them the downside is having to make the call. Everyone else that is subject to them has the plus of not having to decides but the negative is maybe being killed off. I can say as someone who doesn't have to decide it is easy to criticize everyone that does as evil.
Some default to God so anything that happens is gods will and hes perfect so now all kinds of really stupid things can be assumed as perfect. This a convenient ethic I was raised with. It says in the bible submit to all governments because god put them there. Of coarse this makes any revolt against Britain or war against the nazi's going against gods will. Interesting.
I have never met a blood relative. I have no linage and have no ideas about legacy. I am learning a massive amount of information and becoming increasingly isolated so I think about society as an observer not as a participant. I see how silly so many of the social/emotional ethics are.
Like veganism saying things with eyes are conscious and things that don't have eyes are not. Many vegans connect with animals and then become very violent toward humans. Killing a killer is an often touched on theme as you become the thing you are opposed to.
I am starting to identify with nature and it is a shape shifter. It is life itself and it never dies it just changes, it is light itself.
I don't have any opinions about this I know that I want to live but with things like 5G being so known to me and so unknown to others my ethics are met simply by telling people in my health blog. I do need certain things from people and that helps. Very few inquire and no one wants to pay me to find out how to stay alive. Everyone shows their priorities with their actions.
I do know that nature does not care about humans any more than it cares about anything else. Not at all.
I will say that blue light and wifi cause neurological regression making people opporate from the limbic system and not the the prefrontal cortex. This essentially makes people less human and more animalistic.
Most do not have the ability to think critically. I am also aware that the percentage of the population that is not consuming drugs or intoxicants on a daily basis is very small. Add in thye neuro effects of tech and you have a very low functioning society. It will colapse soon. As the parents currently paying for their kids to play will die off and the kids will have3 no ability to provide for themselves. many will die in the basements of their homes surrounded by video games and monster drinks. So I feel very much like the sober guy at the bar. The infra structure can not support techy. Econ is something most know nothing about. Ask what is money most have no clue.
I do not know what to make of the ethics of life, I don't have to. I do know in what ways the population will kill itself off.
Best quote from the watchmen
"Without condoning or condemning, I understand"
What do these guys all have in common? From the outside maybe not much. maybe a lot of conflicting ideas. I was recently introduced to Alan Moore (on youtube) and have had lots of fun listening to his ideas on things. At this point I'm far more set to ask which language a person is using than to say how different it is. I find most conflicting ideas are just a refusal to break down the words to see the meaning. Most arguments are arguments of semantics. I here about the subatomic quantum realm and it is just another way of saying what Alan Moore would call idea space. Science and spirituality are now synonymous for me. I have spent a lot of time with these four guys I have never met and I have hung out with them in idea space. Alan Watts is dead but he is the one I have spent the most imaginary time with. I say imaginary because I've never met him in "real' life. One of the best/worst realizations I've ever had is that everyone I've ever known and everyone that has known me didn't know the same me that I know. We are all ideas. Faces on ideas that may have some truth to them. I was married for ten years and had a dream about my ex wife last night who I haven't seen or spoken to in years and when I woke up I realized that (I had seen her in idea space and that it wasn't her at all and that I don't know her now and then it follows that I didn't know her then and she didn't know me any more than I know Alan Watts. Ideas are all we are and I grieve tangibility and at the same time then find so much freedom in creating an idea of myself and others on my own instead of allowing society or others to create an idea of me.
Jack Kruse is a Neuro surgeon who has probably impacted my life more than any other person on the planet. He is able to explain deep science. Yesterday I posted a Fb question in a group about over rated health topics and right away Dr. Kruse responded. I got (as I just typed those words I got a notification from Jack Kruse on FB which is both creepy and fits with Alan Moore's ideas serendipity ideas) Anyway, I posted and Kruse himself responded. I was a bit star struck and at the same time realized here we are bot on FB on a Saturday morning thinking about how bad tech is and I couldn't help but see the joke in it. Everything has pluses and minuses.
I also bought a concert ticket to see Conor Oberest yesterday who is coming into town. I got excited and afraid. You see there have been times when I have seen favorite bands and had an idea of the lead singer having this connection with me because I identified with certain songs which is why I love shows so much even thought they are high stimulation atmospheres that I normally would avoid. Once I saw a favorite band and the lead singer came across like a real ass hole and it kind of ruined the music a bit. Why I never met the singer either when I was listening to the music or listening to him say ass hole things. these are all ideas. I often think I wish I wasn't alone right now but them when I am around other people I think I wish I wasn't alone and obviously being perceived in a way that I don't feel represents me properly.
The Alan watts explanation of the universal observer and us being essentially the glasses with different prescriptions that sees things helps.
We are all island both held together and separated by ocean. The lines of real and virtual are getting blurred with technology. I have one hand in the material l world and the other in the conceptual.
I do see that in the past I wanted things so that others could see them. No one can see the things that are most important to me the ideas that have been mixed together from the 4 people above and so many more. those are for me alone. It is fun to try though which explains this post.
Every time this happens commit to sitting with it. Don't accept the idea or reject it, just let the wave of dissonance dissipate and then use reason to accept it or reject it or see it as a possibility. Innovation and creativity cause dissonance, they didn't when you were 0-7 because of the state of your brain. Some people never overcome cognitive dissonance and therefore never have a creative thought that didn't come from the programming they received between the age of 0-7. Any idea you defend can't expand.
I have tried to make this site a very authentic picture of my thought process. My past, my health journey and the blogs. Telling the story of my ideas and realizations. This site is more for me than for anyone as it is so easy to forget. Going back to past posts and working on new ones has been impactful for my process. These blogs are largely freestyle unedited stream of consciousness stuff.
I just posted Neurogenesis Vs depression Part 4
This series has been impactful for me as it has helped me to see how happiness can be sustained and as soon as that happened I was hit with the greatest block to my real core happiness. Let me explain.
Our brains from 0-7 are in a theta brain state. We are not fully in reality which allows us to imagine things and play with reality much more than adult brains. At the same time this is when our core subconscious identity is being formed. As always I view the physical and conceptual brain as a tree (a fractal) and these formative years are essentially the core branches coming out of the trunk.
The core lenses that all the other branches of information will be filtered through. It is very important to note that the subconscious formation of these branches is not rational it is a dry sponge soaking up information and it will absorb poison just as easy as anything else. It also at least for some of the time does not know language. What does it know? stimulus, action, facial expressions, environmental imputes.
This awareness from a brain perspective makes me look at any number of events that would be traumas for an adult brain even more traumatic to an infant not less. We think its ok the baby won't remember it....they won't consciously remember it but their brain will record it and factor it in as a significant development tool (circumcision seems pretty evil if you think about it) and what is memory if not information that is retained to establish future conscious or subconscious programs.
It is important for me to remind myself and you that what ever you where exposed to at this time was not your fault.
It is not your fault
if you saw a baby in the cold you would not think stupid baby should go inside and get warm. It was not your fault but it is now your responsibility. Hard truth. (the circumcised is a good one...you didn't choose that nothing to feel guilty about)
This may seem obvious to people who have had children but I have not and I, up to this point, have not gone back to my own early life. You see I was taken from my mother at birth. I was passed around a bit, renamed several times and I'm told at one point I was supposed to be kept but the couple got pregnant so I got passed on again. This is a problem because it is better to not bond with a baby than to bond and sever it as it can alter the ability to bond in the future. I was adopted at the age of 2 which sounds very young but 2 years out of 7 accounts for a massive amount of programming. It as my life went on became clear to me that I did not bond with my adopted parents. I like them as people, I don't think they are neuro development experts and probably where not consciously doing the things needed to over come the obstacles set up within my neurology. They tried but these things don't just happen, neurology requires conscious intervention.
As I grew up I felt disconnected from my family and in tern socially and in turn culturally and in turn globally.
What does this look like? Like a punk rocker. Like an addict that identifies with substances instead of people. Like someone who unconsciously pushes people away. Like a person that cant stand to see happy people.
You see my brain could not reason or speak a language (at least not well) in my 0-7 formation. The lens my brain learned subconsciously was this (This is where this post gets tough)
The program I was taught by my environment was
I am not lovable
Now because this was the foundation lens for everything in my life subconsciously my brain is constantly trying to validate these ideas. Why? because it is easy to prune a tree at the tips but be careful if you cut off the primary branches because everything built on it will go with it.
Even typing this right now my brain is glitching. Trying to apply intellect to my subconscious program that was not formed by reason but by environment.
You see I have spent years pruning my tree. Changing my brain. This is a process that has to be done over time so as to not kill the tree. You see when a person has an identity crisis of some type or faces a trauma their brain can not support the brains branches much like a tree in a storm branches can snap. If they are primary branches sometime the whole tree goes down.
(Be kind when you see "crazy" people talking to themselves. There brain tree was probably thriving at one point....it probably looked like your brain and we as a society have to recognize how fragile we all are which is a big reason I do this blog to show people how to support their brain health physically and conceptually.)
The conflict in my brain - I am consciously and subconsciously trying to validate my foundations of world perceptions and at the same time I am trying to be happy, feel loved and connected.
What do I do with my two programs
I am not lovable
I rig it. I make sure that everyone leaves which establishes my unlovability. when this happens I feel relieved that my tree can stay intact and at the same time I hate that my tree is what it is. This leads to internal conflict and self destructive behavior.
But I didn't intellectually know I was doing this. I didn't understand the neurology or my own development. I am scared to type all this like it is some secret that if the universe or my conscious mind finds out I will cave in because the lies we tell ourselves have a function.
But I have been pruning this tree long enough. I have been slowly building to this point.
The samurai image is comforting. The battle is always within myself. You see First I had to challenge the - I am weak program- Now I am strong. Strong enough to shift my weight onto the I am strong branch of my mind and cut off with a swift swipe both
I am not lovable
and replace them with I am lovable and no one can leave because nothing is separate from me. If you read the neurogenesis vs depression series you will understand that my nervous system can extend into this world. It can remerge with everyone that I thought left in the past and I can integrate them into my mind in the most positive way so no one ever left. It is the idea of me being separate that had to leave. Now my cat, my plants and my friends are extensions of me, my enemies are extensions of me.
I am lovable because I love my cat and my cat is an extension of me. No one ever leaves because I am grounded, I am tied to the same earth as them. You see if I remove those old programs and I'm doing my best to do that then everything up to this point was to teach me how to love myself and in turn everything else. Teachers.
I am lovable
I get to stay me because I have grown the other branches of my tree enough over time to still be whole even with the loss of my deep rooted subconscious programs.
Dare I ask what my life looks like if I don't have to view the world through those old lenses. I don't know and that can be scary but I am bored with the old program and so lets see what it looks like.
I don't know why I am doing this site. Its not financially motivated but I guess it is an effort for me to make my ideas tangible. Some people love me and some hate me but this process is who I am. I'm not perfect and I have a lot of regrets but I can honestly say I didn't know I was operating from those programs or how to stop them from controlling my behaviors. I am doing my best to be better and it is my hope that others really take the time to search deep inside themselves for their own issues and you will see that the things that are getting you focus, love or hate exist within you.
So there it is
I am lovable ...haha still tough to type. Practice and patience.
a special thanks to my truest friend, I trust you
The below post was written last night before I fell asleep. I want to remember those moments too and since this is m- My Thoughts- I'm adding it. This was my first conversation with god....maybe ever defiantly in 10 years. The first part is me being frustrated and lonely.
I was religious once, I’m not now
I’m more “spiritual”now in a wiser less innocent more complicated way.
My brain is like a net trying to catch water.
My heart is like water trying to catch a net.
If I catch it everything will disappear so there is a part of me that is more worried about completion than not. The game of chasing god is far better than catching it and seeing that it was a mirror the whole time. If I could easily understand if it would not be the all. The all can’t fit inside my brain so anything that does fit in there isn’t the all just pieces of it.
When I was young I knew God. I knew he was listening to all my thoughts and I know he heard me ask “if you are the all what do you have to be afraid of? I’m no threat to you. Why do you need me to worship you. Can love ever have the word hell attached to it and not be fear based? Is fear needed? I’m so scared I’ll fuck this up. I’m scared that just putting the word fuck in this prayer thought will keep me out. Was this predestined? Is the fact that I don’t believe this but am scared to say it out loud gonna send me to eternal pain? I’m scared? No one seems to really care about getting this right.” I was a child. I think the hell narrative is one not often addressed when teaching children about heaven. Kids aren’t stupid. They know that you can learn about something by its opposite. I knew. The sick message of heaven is the sick message of hell. It’s the ultimate fear program.
It makes sense to me now. I understand archetypes, numbers, the names of the gods so to speak. I know that in the book they don’t seem to know which one is which and that’s why they are all so confused.
I know now you can’t have both. Is is better to be loved or to be free? I don’t know. All I do know is that I am abundantly free.
All this is brought on by hearing this song. Being alone. Missing my old friend alcohol. Writing addictive mind blog posts thinking that I shouldn’t tell others to quit. I should tell them to have one more, just one. There is no one waiting for you on the other side of it. It was always there to keep me feeling. But then I remember what I knew back then and couldn’t handle. The drink never loved me, she never loved me, I don’t matter, I didn’t matter back then, there is no escape, there is no way to force it to come to you.
“Asking why did you let them leave and then make me stay?”
(god is in BOLD)
Was it all a lie the whole time or was some of it true? Was she or the drink or the beautify of it all just gonna leave me? You have to be honest.
-if that’s what you want.
Yes, It was all a lie the whole time from the very first kiss, the first taste, the first moment, the first glance?
What was the point of me going through that kind of pain?
-So that you would become you now. The one finally strong enough to see it all for what it has always been.
Isn’t there any way I could have become a better version of myself with out having so much ache in the heart? My heart aches.
Is everything an inevitability that I only find out about after it has happened?
Freedom is an illusion?
- You’re free to reject the idea that it’s an illusion.
There’s no way out of this is there?
- No, not unless you want us both to disappear...and we then reappear later on when disappearing gets dull. So no.
There’s no point in asking any more questions is there?
- You can if it’s fun for you.
Is everything that exists just to create contrast? Is it all just a dance between order and chaos? Is it to avoid boredom?
- Are you’re questions keeping you from getting board?
- I know
I know you do. I’m you but not the same. You’re a tree and I’m a seed?
- Kind of, in a way we are that but we are also the wind in between.
God do you ever get pissed and wanna be an atheist instead of this weird gnostic or even worse be religious and put it all in a cage.
-haha Do I want to be an atheist is new one. Sometimes. I am that through different glasses but you know what those things look like even though you can’t see the way I see it because you have been those things.
Is this entertaining for you?
But you’re me
- yes, still not bored?
What if I post this on line? What if I tell people? What if everyone finds out they are god like the singularity?
Oh it doesn’t matter....but everything I do matters completely because it contributes to an inevitability that I only find out about after it happens to keep you from being bored? Would anyone even care? Wars have been fought over this shit. Do I matter?
- ask your self if you really want to know the future
- besides you matter to me
- how can I explain this in a way you’ll understand? because I was a seed once.
So I matter to you?
What could I ever possibly do for you besides stop you from being bored?
- you can answer a question?
- yes, I wanna know what a seed has to say to an old tree like me. Us the wind wants to know to.
-Was it all a lie the whole time or was some of it true? Was she or the drink or the beautify of it all just gonna leave me? You have to be honest.
......it hurts huh
In a good way though kinda because you got to feel, right?
Loved and lost type shit
Made you who you are
The one strong enough to see it for what it is.
I’m proud of you, you carried it this whole time
- thanks, that means a lot. I wanted to ask one more time
That thing you want, that you think will make you better will only make you different. So now life is a game of boredom instead of acquisition.
It will cost you what you have. The you now will stop existing the second you get the thing you are chasing. A new (you + new thing) version of you will exist. This is why our addictions are so crippling.
I have never heard an explanation for alcohol better than a liquid that only makes you more thirsty the more you drink it.
The fun of life is in thew pursuit of the thing. Imagine for a second that you could know the future. The second the future is known it becomes the past. The punishment is built into the the thing. this is the real meaning of karma. Not so much cause and effect as those things are two words but karma is one word like the word tree is both/neither the roots and the branches but if you know that you can't have pleasure with out an equal amount of pain even if that pain is the new pain of not getting to have more of the new pleasure these pleasure pain ideas can't be avoided and in the same way that some drugs balance the spikes and crashes life seems to be empty once there is balance. Inkow this sounds cruel and I'm not being mercilous to pewople in pain. I have been sick and scared but I will say that, for me, the worst part of it was the idea that I wouldn't ever recover. If yI had known I'd be better than evcer at this age I could have just waited....of coarse it was the fear of things getting worse thyat motivated me to make them better. I mean better as different because I was bored with feeling sick.
Ask yourself. Do I want what I want of do I like wanting want I want?
I recently wrote a quote from Allan Watts
January 6 at 8:23 PM · “Model your own universe and see what comes out of it. What you will eventually find is that you model this one.”
It is easy to say what should be done when there is absolutely no chance it will be done. The only thing a knowledgeable person can do is watch and see what happens because pushing one way or the other is just like holding your breath. The longer you do it the more air you will take in when your done.
2019 - realize you couldn’t do it better you could only do it different. You could help one and hurt another instead of helping another and hurting one.
Consider the idea that every thing that exists down to the tiniest thing you can imagine is a complete unavoidable envitability of all that is and that your awareness of that idea whether you like it or not is just much s part of it all as everything else. If one thing wasn’t exactly how it is, poof the whole thing disappears. Of coarse it disappears into nothingness and then reappears as soon as nothingness gets board which happens relatively fast since there’s nothing to do.
Here we are again. We just left and came back and the only thing I’m between that thought and the last one is the nothing space that glues our something spaces together.
Its the end of the year. A good time for reflection. I can say this has been a great year by all measures. I feel stronger, smarter better than ever and that is a really good thing if you can honestly say it. I see who I am and I know that I have become better from all the time I spent being worse.
I am looking at myself relative to others. It is the only category that I haven't seemed to make progress in, the relational one. I am in a place where I really want to see things for what they are so I'm completely open to see my faults, they are many, especially in the relationship column as I can never seem to make sense of things.
The story that is generating this post is from yesterday as I heard from an ex girlfriend. One that was particularly messy and flaky with her actions but such a wonderful talker that you really want to believe the things she says. Its the end of the year so I get the re connect and reflect thing. I was happy to hear from her. She is pregnant now which made me happy (and even more happy that she didn't get pregnant when we were together) but here is the thing, if you haven't seen someone in a long time its as if you have to revert to the old person just talk to them in order to have a conversation. I didn't like who I was when I was with this person several years ago and I am very different now. Of coarse very quickly the girl starts talking about the people we used to know. How this one hates me for this and another hates me for that. Going down the list. I have encountered a number of different types of people this year. Mostly "friends" who wanted me to go along with their stuff. I never do that as it is an instant tell that the person is trying to leverage themselves and isn't a real friend instead someone trying to use the "friendship" too get away with things. A drug addict, a lair, a thief, a shady sales person, a person making promises and then never mentioning them again I( could go on but i'm cringing. The ex girlfriend went down the list at least with the people she knows. She then invited me to a concert that night and then never sent me the details, typical for this person. I was so upset but more with myself for thinking that this person would be different. For falling for the trap..... again. I did it in my past marriage, I've done it in my present relationships. But its taking me way less time to find out the truth of people. I know why people say ignorance is bliss but I'm on the Gnostic path where I trade ignorance/bliss for knowledge/power. As I have been weak in this life and I mean power in the samurai sense not the president of the united states sense. (sad that power is now negative, gonna make for a weak minded society...another blog I know)
I realized people don't change and neither do I. In some ways we do change as I have changed so much about myself but I am still the person that is really focused on watching peoples actions and not listening to their words. I am still the person that can't help but point out the lie when I see it. Its who I am. All these other types are people who allow me to do that. I have to honor the idea that the only way I have been able to become better this year is as a direct result of these people. I really am grateful but the once the lesson is learned the need for the teacher disappears. In other words once you learn to fight there is no such thing as a bully.
I was a root packed plant.
I can say most people want you to be healthy, smart and happy.......just not too much. Not so much as to make them feel sick, stupid and sad. I get it. I've been there. The Morrissey song - We hate it when our friends become successful- comes to mind. But at this point I'm so focused on growth that I just don't have time for other peoples issues. And I'm so grateful that I didn't become successful because I may not have learned the lessons I have from failure. When I have learned everything I need to from failure then I will get around to being successful. I always say I've been a week away from greatness for years. I write this blog post to myself in the My Thoughts Blog in hopes that I will come back to it a year from now and say wow that was the last time I got caught in the trap of ignorance expecting a different result from the same old person.
At the core of everything is binary code the 0 and the 1 on this base level there is no third way. I recently has relationship with a person that has since ended and the common remark was there is a third way. I thought to myself growing together or growing apart with every decision in real time, every moment and the average of the 2 decides if you end up together or not. Choose together more than apart (and if the other person does also, which is the hard part, and you're together) I knew but I also knew that the persons commitment to the third way was simply a no in binary code. I f you ask a person if they want to be more serious with you or less and they say let me think about it, typically it means let me go try to think of a way to say no but keep what I have. This is a simple have your cake and eat it too appeal and it is often the third way. The punishment for choosing the third way in a binary system is the same as trying to inhale and exhale at the same time. You choke, no third way at the base level.
Here is a test I do. Don't over think it.
Take yourself and others through all the grey levels down to this base level and ask yourself
Would this person authentically celebrate my success if even if they didn't get anything from it.
In my experience I have had to look at myself and see that I'm self sabotaging because its easy but i have also seen how many people are "friends" because of what they can get.
I remember back when I was a drinker the idea that everyone is your friend when your buying the rounds.
None of this is good or bad. Most of us know consciously or sub consciously not to ask the questions that we already know the answers to. In some ways everything is an attempt at the third way. I already know that I can't have a third way but i'm here so I try to have fun toying with contrast. Too many 1's in a row I'll choose 0, too many 0's I'll choose 1. I have a friend who calls himself the fulcrum, the balance, the other side. Its why we are friends as I think of myself the same way. Of coarse this has pissed me off at times much as I have pissed me off thinking can't you just go along this one time.... nope. Remeber that everyone only has so much time so the cost of time with you is time with others this is why virtual friends are so great we get the idea of friends without the work. of coarse when things get really tough your virtual friends will wish you well in a FB post,tell you they love you and then go on with their lives. Because virtual relationships are no different than virtual porn and our society is starting to forget how to be turned on by a human instead of a screen. When I say virtual friends I mean anyone that you are "friends" with but don't spend time with.and I don't mean work friends i mean who do you spend your free time with because you like their company....that is where most people default to family. we are lucky to have a 2-3 real friends at one time. A person claiming to be your friend that doesn't spend free time with you is probably selling something. like getting a call from a friend and then having them pitch you an mlm.
I'm just going to keep growing. It may leave a trail of broken pots in my past. The goal is to grow so much that I get planted in the ground with no constraints. Independence has always been my goal and the question of "is it better to be loved or to be free? " has never been one that I hesitated on.
I own my life. I make my choices and I take responsibility for my choices. I am no victim. I knew in my gut who these people were before they ever showed their colors. The strange thing. In many ways I know them better than they do. I think when it comes to people I'm most attracted to someone who is a surprise or at least isn't easily.
For me anyone who directly or indirectly tells me not to be too smart or too healthy I know that they are a pot that may let me grow but only to the point that I don't out shine them.
Binary is the foundation quantity vs quality holds true.
I choose freedom.
It's Christmas and I've got some time to reflect. I know it's not new years yet but i'm in that head space. I feel safe writing all this as my site is small and of the few who make it the focus is on the health blog as it should be.
I live a pretty lonely life but in the best of ways. I've had the family, the kids the dogs the wife the tree the rest.
Is it better to be loved or to be free? well the answer like all answers it both/neither. In other cultures they would say the question is broken.
I often ask people is the tree the roots or the branches.
It's just dualism. Last night on Christmas eve I drove to the beach listening to Conor Oberest and in the dark I stood in the rain and it was magic.
I came home and spent time with my fantastic life partner The Kat (who is a cat) and we listened to wise old Alan Watts teach us about the meaning of life. It all felt like home. You see because I had a very different life when I was younger I now just enjoy the contrast of it all. I see people with thier stress and worry about gifts and things and I smile. i don't have those worries and I also won't get any gifts.
This has been a wonderful year. I have learned and changed so much. I think that I have really tried to learn that there is nothing on the other side of this mountain but another mountain so I better enjoy the climb. No hurry just build. I had started learning about nature and health some time ago but I am seeing just how long it takes for new information to grow into knowledge. The seed first then the root then the plant with leaves soaking up sun and shedding new ideas. I am learning how to learn.
I managed to do my 6 month before and after with pics. I learned a lot. I managed to build the calculator (mostly by myself) Learned a lot.
I built this site and started these blogs. They are for me, first as I am so happy to have a foundation to go back and see my thought process and store all this like an external hard drive of health.
I launched AlexanderCalculator.com today. I built it because I wanted to be able to use it and it taught me the value of creating and how important that is to self esteem.
I know know much more what i want out of life and it just keeps getting simpler and simpler. Alan watts, Conor Oberst and all the other things I fill my head with are very really my friends and teachers. If I shut my eyes I can imaging sitting in the hall with all the others laughing when Alan Watts says some brilliant horrible thing is a light hearted way.
I dream of a life filled with nature that is simple and then I realize I have it. Contrast is king but I spent so long caring that if feels nice to just live. Know what time it is has been my new mantra and its winter, time to hibernate. Time to reflect. Time to stop typing on a computer and go out into the wonderful sunshine.
I believe that everything has pluses and minuses and it is our choice to decide which to focus on to make decisions. if you want to change focus on the negative aspects of your current situation to change it. If you want to satay the same focus on the positive aspects of your current situation.
I use this in my head all day every day forcing myself to see both the positive and negative while never choosing one as right and wrong simply motivation to remain or change. I will say that I am in search of honor. This would be a self established higher ethic that is chosen by an individual not for external recognition but simply out of the recognition that there are no cheats in life. A liar is pushed the second they lie by loosing the ability to trust. this has nothing to do with the lie being discovered. In the same way the thief looses a hand the second they steal as they forever have to guard their own pocket.
Thinking critically is wisdom, blindly accepting is ignorance. The two phases I hear often are ignorance is bliss and I'm only human. people are as human as they want to be. quality vs quantity, I have found my self loosing many "friends" because I refuse to encourage ignorant behavior that has built in punishments. I hold other to the same standard I hold myself. I have learned a tremendous amount of information the hard way and yes every time I learn it is a battle with my own desire to defend my pre existing belief.
I work in the "alternative health industry" an unregulated industry that is full of scammers who know that the things they are selling are of no real use but the more money a person makes from a thing the less the thing can be seen for what it really is.
In the same way I no longer can hang out in a bar around alcohol as a sober person I can hang out with scammers or people with no honor. I struggle with this in my own life. How to be in this economic system and not get corrupted by it.
The only thing worse than a wolf is a wolf in sheeps clothing. I know that all the things that bother me about the people around me exist within myself and the battle is raging there. Maybe this is to be human but I am walking a specific direction and refuse to let the temptation to sell out. honor is gold, a rare thing that takes work to mine. But the gold that is mind in the mind is the temple in between my temples.
Find a way to value the unseen gold and the physical gold will loose its shine. This world isn't short on villains giving each one of us the constant opportunity to be a hero. of coarse i'm not talking about posting agree political stuff on facebook about the current political scene, i'm talking about realizing that the things that bother you the most are inside you.
(Find the little trump in you and deal with that before you stare at the big trump out side yourself complaining about what you can't control. I'm not for or against ta political party I'm just saying what I wish I could say to the very liberal people all around me that are far more unhappy than the one that is making them unhappy which from the outside looks like losing. I once heard it said you can't hate the devil to death he feeds on it.)
A search for honor in world full of fake.
This Blog is my "free to chat about anything on my mind" blog.
The other blogs are for health and the addictions writing I did eight years ago but this is me now day to day.
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