Grieving Process -
Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after death.
Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy.
Bargaining — "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the hi is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time..."
Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect oneself from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.
Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
This final stage comes with peace and understanding of the death that is approaching. Generally, the person in the fifth stage will want to be left alone. Additionally, feelings and physical pain may be non-existent. This stage has also been described as the end of the dying struggle.[
Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to people suffering from terminal illness, and later to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This may also include significant life events such as the death of a loved one, divorce, drug addiction, an infertility diagnosis. Kübler-Ross claimed these steps do not necessarily come in the order noted above, nor are all steps experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two. Often, people will experience several stages in a "roller coaster" effect - switching between two or more stages, returning to one or more several times before working through it.
Significantly, people experiencing the stages should not force the process. The grief process is highly personal and should not be rushed, nor lengthened, on the basis of an individual's imposed time frame or opinion. One should merely be aware that the stages will be worked through and the ultimate stage of "Acceptance" will be reached.
*I used to spend a lot of time thinking about this. Where are you in this process? Where am I? Once your in acceptance the issues just fall off. Like when you are sick you feel terrible but once your well you don't feel amazing you kind of feel right. Depending on the issue I can think that i am in each phase of the grieving process all at the same time.
Some things we hold on to so that they won't float away. Now I know that this just keeps going and I am grateful for the things I've work through but also know why I held on to them. We keep the lows to hold onto the highs. eventually we get board with the roller coaster and get off of coarse then we get board not being on the roller coaster. Before you ever get off the roller coaster you think...maybe this will last forever, innocence. Then as time goes on you learn that it won't.
Now I spend a lot of time thinking about an equal trade innocence for wisdom. I find my self a bit low on innocence to trade these days. I no longer think I can improve things I can just change them. The change then becomes the indirect improvement. The universe only has one problem and that is boredom. All the things we think are good or bad or important or worthless are all just solutions for this boredom problem.
There are some big concepts in here that I could write about for a long time. dualism painted on time and the core universal problem being boredom. Don't believe me about the boredom problem it's how we imagine death. No wonder we fill the void of nothingness with heaven and hell because both are more appealing to us than conscious eternal boredom. Both have an opposite. If you don't know about heaven in hell than it stops being hell and vice versa. the contrast is the only thing that makes it bad. Nothingness is our ultimate fear.
If Starting Best to go back to the first post by date and read from there.
Everything in Italics is me now, commenting on the writing from 8 years ago. Everything not in Italics is the 8 year old writing. In some ways I am the same but in others very different that is what make it interesting.
Blog Intro Video
Note for Context
It takes about 10 years to master something. I drank
heavily for 10 years and have now been sober for 10
years. I was an alcoholic from age 18 to 28 after I quite
drinking I found myself as the house parent at a
residential treatment facility for teens with
addictions issues. I started writing down lessons
from my two years at the facility after I
left along with thoughts and ideas from that time in
my life. I haven't touched these writings for about
eight years and to be honest I forgot all about them. I
have now been sober for ten years now and my life is
very different. 37 is different than 29, divorced is
different than married and California is different
than Indiana. When I wrote these ideas I had no idea
about the challenges I would face since I stopped
working on them, the health, the jobs, the
relationships, the finances and the changes in beliefs.
I'd like to think these ideas from back then played a
role in me landing on my feet stronger, smarter and
These old writings are not edited so don't pick apart
the grammar. I'm a better talker than a writer. It will
be fun to go back and post them in blog form. I have
changed and learned so much since then.
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